A 2004 University of Vermont study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” demonstrated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements to their degree of “relationship happiness”. In addition, they experienced improved and healthier amounts of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness is often a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self and for others.
We’re human; conflicts are unfortunately a a part of life’s journey. In the insomnia where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant proximity, it’s natural that we won’t always see eye to eye together. Imagine this type of instance, once your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your companion says and does (and also by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is an immediate response and bitterness could be the path; These emotions call forth reactions rather than principled responses. Countless regrettable thoughts and actions take place in such moments. One time i did a chat in a bookstore and noted how the phrase “Sticks and stones may break bone but words will not hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words may cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long afterwards broken bones happen to be healed. There were a songwriter in the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote music entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Rather than holding on to this negativity, you can consciously decide to behave differently. Let’s consider it together. Picture yourself because heated moment when you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Let’s say you were capable to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself maybe partner?
Understand that you don’t should be physically and even verbally abusive to be violent. Even thoughts can be destructive, especially since they’re inadvertently reflected in your attitudes and behaviors. For example, you are going to become withdrawn and significant within the argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. One other person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way round, and before you know it you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting distracted by them. And instead, have you thought to strike when the iron is cold? Let yourself cool-down and funky off, and share how you feel and thoughts when you are ready and so are effective at clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any type means that you might be identified with all the thinking mind.
It means you don’t begin to see the other individual anymore, however only your own personal concept of that individual. To reduce the aliveness of someone else individual into a concept has already been a form of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Suppose that you are well on a sailboat in the ocean, and navigating these waves could be the span of life. Regardless of how well you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off track sometimes. Probably the most capable fishermen and sailors recognize that sometimes a good thing you can do-or the only thing you can do-is to only ride your storm. Let the feelings blow through you and then pass. Ride your mental storm. It’s just a cascade of chemicals, you know, depending on fear. These are simply waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you realized that it’s better to stay afloat when you relax the body as opposed to when you tense up and panic within the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on the journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t allow yourself to drown inside their drama either. Remain grounded with your mantras:
Storms always pass. There is no need to panic or fear.
Ride your storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…
Later I will analyze the storm. Now We need only observe it. Now I will hang on and pull through.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to take a seat far better analyze the storm, and to know very well what caused it. You may also find the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance have you notice?
What helped you pull through? How may you make this transition easier later on?
Utilize the storm just as one opportunity to gain innovative skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Most importantly, understand that storms can be a a part of life, but you possess the capability to navigate your path through them. You are going to always resume calm clear skies.
“Obstacles don’t block the road; those are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Change Your Story, Change Your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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