A 2004 University of Vermont study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” indicated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements for their a higher level “relationship happiness”. Moreover, they experienced improved and healthier numbers of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. This is because mindfulness can be a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as others.
We’re human; conflicts are an inevitable a part of life’s journey. Inside a stress where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant close proximity, it’s natural that people won’t always see eye to eye collectively. Imagine this type of instance, whenever your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your partner says and does (by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is an immediate response and bitterness could be the path; These emotions call forth reactions as opposed to principled responses. A lot of regrettable thoughts and actions happen in such moments. I once did a talk within a bookstore and noted how the phrase “Sticks and stones may break our bones but words will not hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words could cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester for a while following bone fractures happen to be healed. There is a songwriter within the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote an audio lesson entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
As an alternative to holding this negativity, you can consciously elect to behave differently. Let’s visualize it together. Picture yourself in this heated moment when you find yourself flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Suppose you are able to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or perhaps your partner?
Keep in mind that you don’t must be physically and even verbally abusive being violent. Even thoughts may be destructive, especially since they’re inadvertently reflected in our attitudes and behaviors. For example, you’ll become withdrawn and critical throughout an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. One other person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way around, and before very long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting caught up in them. And instead, you will want to strike when the iron is cold? Let yourself cool off and cool off, and share your emotions and thoughts when you find yourself ready and therefore are effective at clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any type means that you’re identified with all the thinking mind.
It indicates you don’t start to see the other individual anymore, only your own notion of that individual. To lessen the aliveness of some other individual into a concept is already a kind of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Suppose you are on a sailboat within the ocean, and navigating these waves could be the lifetime of life. No matter how well you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off track sometimes. The most capable fishermen and sailors know that sometimes a good thing you can do-or one and only thing you can do-is to simply ride out your storm. Allow the feelings blow due to you and after that pass. Ride from the mental storm. It’s simply a cascade of chemicals, you know, depending on fear. I have listed waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you pointed out that it’s better to stay afloat once you relax one’s body as opposed to once you tense up and panic in water?
Embrace the storms, then, on the journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown in their drama either. Remain grounded with your mantras:
Storms always pass. You shouldn’t have to panic or fear.
Ride out your storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings blow out of me…
Later I will analyze the storm. Now We need only observe it. Now I will hang on and pull through.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to sit down and analyze the storm, also to understand what caused it. You can also find the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance do you notice?
What helped you pull through? How could you choose this transition easier in the foreseeable future?
Use the storm as a possible chance to gain additional skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Above all, remember that storms can be a a part of life, however, you hold the power to navigate the right path through them. You may always resume calm clear skies.
“Obstacles usually do not block the path; those are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Change Your Story, Change Your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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